Over the past three weeks, my life has been overwhelmed with good and bad ...stuff. Trying to take stuff off of my plate by adding more "duties" to keep me organized has helped some but sometimes it just feels like busy work...Waiting for construction to happen in our house while it remains upside down is cray cray and at some points, I get so frustrated and then realize it is all for the purpose of getting my babies, which makes me agitated again knowing they are waiting while I wait too...However, in the midst of frustration and mundane tasks that give me a headache, I see God working in beautiful ways.
Right now on my Jimmy Needham ("you know what he needs? He's like I need some ham" #funnyjokeswithmyinterns) Pandora radio station Gungor is singing Beautiful Things to me. One of my favorite songs, and a truth I embrace wholeheartedly. "You make Beautiful Things out of dust"...yes my house is a wreck and the Christmas decorations are still up in the sunroom because of all the dust in the attic, but that space is going to be beautiful when it is all done! "You make me new, you are making me new"...yes I have a killer headache from spending so much time looking at this computer screen, but I'm being shaped and molded into the leader and minister God wants me to be. Yes, it means I have to shut my door and not be the social butterfly my teachers all through grade school kept giving "N"'s to, but in this time alone in my office, I have the opportunity to grow closer to God. As the Holy Spirit continues to guide me on this journey towards becoming a candidate, going to seminary, and, eventually, ordination, I think God for putting people in my way, the good, the bad, and the ugly, as each person helps mold me into what I am supposed to be. I'm grateful for my supporters and I am learning to be grateful for the naysayers too.
More beauty in my life is that my bride had an amazing experience at Emmaus last weekend, and though I missed her a ton, she let go of some deep hurt and embraced a love she has never truly known. Even more beautiful was being with a group of ministry colleagues who have become true friends and companions on my journey this year. Something I was longing for that God gave me...thanks, papa! Even in the midst of people who pull me down, there are those very close by who have been constant voices of affirmation and friendship, another beautiful thing made from the dust. Yesterday held one of my favorite moments of this month seeing two of my college kids at a baseball game, catching up with them, and hanging out with my youth at the same time...a relational ministry win! God knows what I need to be filled and fed, and God provides while teaching me to do things I don't like but need to get better at.
I love my life, I love my job, and I love ministry. I am blessed beyond measure to know that God doesn't need me but wants me to partner with God's divine purposes. thanks, papa! The possibilities are endless and we are promised NOTHING is impossible with God!
One last thought. As I was venting to my bride this nugget of scripture popped up as my background and she provoked me to think on it and adjust my attitude to gratitude...
On that note, I'll end with a prayer,
God, thank you for the obstacles, for the hiccups in schedules, and for working it all out for my good. You have always been faithful to me even when (especially when) I doubt your goodness and your love for me. i love you, God, i bless Your holy name and sing praises for the abundant life You have blessed me with. Continue to strengthen me, shape me, and mold me, even when it hurts, into the vessel you need me to be. i pray for my heart to be softened by your spirit so that i will be quick to listen, slow to speak, or anger, and that the light you have put in me will shine as a beacon that points toward Your Son. Let your fire be alive in me, let my spirit be your spirit, let my heart look like yours, let my mouth speak your truths, and continue God to make me all You want me to be.
all my love,
-j
.jpg)